If it wasn’t for people, leadership would be easy. Unsuccessful leaders choose the ostrich or bull approach to dealing with tensions between employees. But, don’t miss the key.
The key:
Determine their commitment to the relationship.
Those who aren’t committed find fault;
those who are find a way.
After listening to a description of the problem, look each party in the eye and ask the most important question, “On a scale of one to ten, how committed are you to make this relationship work?”
The second question is, “Please explain why you chose that number.”
Optional: Please explain why your number isn’t higher.
Resolving interpersonal tensions between others:
- Create environments where respectful relationships matter. Warm and fuzzy isn’t necessary. Respect is. Talk about relationships before you need to.
- Know your place. You can’t fix it. Only they can.
- Embrace the one purpose of talking. The only reason to open your mouth is to make something better or to explore how to make it better.
- Enable people to bring up issues, problems, and challenges with a “make it better” approach. Always move toward resolution.
- Define the win. What do respectful relationships look like in this situations? Clarify the win in behavioral terms. It’s astonishing how much energy is expended on pursuing undefined goals.
- Keep the ball rolling. Intensity of tension determines frequency of meeting. You’ll be tempted to slow the process down. Don’t. Allow time for emotions to settle, but no more.
- Meet outside the office. If the situation isn’t volatile, meet at a coffee shop where privacy is available. Or, walk and talk.
- Forgiveness is an option. Can you draw a line in the sand and start fresh with a new approach? Don’t just start again with the same skill-set and attitude.
