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Senior Correspondent

It was said that the safest place to be is in bed since the only accident there would result in a soft cuddly being that would take care of us in our senior years. It seems to be less of a threat recently.

Out of the bedroom there are so many hazards with sports and exercising that one must keep a doctor on speed dial or attached to our iPod.

In our community, white is a prominent color; the favored shade for wrapped elbows, knees and eyes because of sports injuries. When our tennis and lawn clubs require proper attire it means bandages.

Bowling was never considered dangerous unless your fingers became stuck and you were flung down the lane with the ball. If you made a strike it was worth the concussion. The new affliction: bowler’s toe caused by stress from trying to avoid stepping over the foul line or your whiny partner’s face.

The ocean's exquisite stillness and ever present surf teaches us much about life’s ongoing process. Still those beach boys in our senior village better watch out. The danger: surfer’s ear brought on by waves bouncing off their bifocals into the eardrum.

Since more people are sitting at computers all day we are developing a “barrel bottom." (A polka song was written for me that keep me rolling along.) The medical term for the condition, though, is “secretary spread”.

If you are an executive, it is known as the high-price spread.

I just learned of a new pain which comes from twits who tweet. It is known as twitter thumbs. If you see someone with thumbs in an upright position, it is not because they are happy to see you. And they are not hitchhiking as our residents often do. (Please! Stop lifting your skirts!) These modern electronic communicators simply are suffering from the frozen fingers of fools.

I am forming a new club. It will be a smash, excuse the expression. Please join me. It is called; “Dancing with the Scars."

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©2012 Jan Marshall. All rights reservedUnauthorized use is strictly prohibited 

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