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Senior Correspondent

Stop silly statements proclaiming 80 is the new 60 which becomes the new 30 and so on, changing every number we’ve known from the beginning of time. Familiar titles of products and their purpose are exchanged for a strange, newer one. Then comics and others poke fun at us for being forgetful.

In the past when we referred to an eye pad it was for a pink eye. Now, it means something altogether brilliant, the iPad® device which I would not put away under penalty of law unless Sean Connery asked me to lay it down for him.

Terminology has changed as to cause brain fog in any intelligent, vital person. We’ve heard that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Residents in the Woods uttered this first. This in fact does not prove we are discreet but rather that we go blank for what happened or whom we ended up with because all words, and names have been revised. There is Ice Tea and Lady Gaga and 30 cents — he used to be 50 cents but in this economy — and a bunch of less talented dolts who make up ridiculous names and grab their crotches a lot. In our day we were more sophisticated. Our groups were called  Moteley Crue, Grateful Dead and Alice Cooper, such a nice girl. What are you going to do with kids today?

At one time if we described as being with it that meant we were enthusiastic and knowledgeable. Now when we want to express our joy to you, we are supposed to claim, “I am down” (which used to be filler for my blankie) according to the new jargon. They all changed the rules and then sometimes call us old geezers. 

Knock it off. Yes, we are graying but we are also giggling and gyrating in this age of googling®.

Get clear on this here and now. We are not your father’s Oldsmobile® or your old time grandparents either. Most of us are computer or at least smart phone literate although the virtual secretary Siri in our phone can be an idiot at times. On the other hand she does remind us to soak anything that aches.

Rather than archaic courting customs from the last century, we find dates on the Internet, though not always successfully. I requested a big fellow and one the man arrived on stilts. We had a good relationship until I ended it. I kept getting splinters in my thighs.

You should know that most of us are simply in the second phase of life; these are the years 41-80 ish*. Just like you are and we are hot. Usually hormone replacement therapy remedies that.

We love to dance and jog and Zumba®. We enjoy going to the theatre and movies. We practice yoga or Tai Chi, have learned to paint and sculpt, appreciate fine dining, and enjoy watching sports. How about joining us at a restaurant serving true international cuisine with fine wine, imported beer and soft jazz wafting in the background? Let’s play tennis, go skiing or meet on the racket ball court. Believe it or not, some of us can still do it, though, perhaps not as vigorously as you but we now have our chiropractor on speed dial just in case you are injured.

Talk with us as if we were peers, (to a degree). FYI: To us friends with benefits means someone who adds us to their insurance policy, though the other still has its place as part of the full menu.

We like to learn new things and pursue cutting edge activities that we may not have had time for when raising our families. You do not know everything about us. Don’t wait too long. We want to know you better, too. You may be surprised and impressed with what we have endured to get to this place before ending up as your loving relatives, friends, and neighbors. Just ask.

Sweethearts, we do not simply need obligatory holiday visit where you are texting from entry to exit. You do not have to bring us flowers or a tie as your duty. But your attention would be appreciated.

Let us have revealing conversations as you would with other humans. Teach us something new and we will do the same for you. There is so much of our history that might intrigue you and certainly the reverse is true.

We probably have lived through much of what you are experiencing. Maybe we can give you a solution and maybe not. We have no ego involved in whether you follow our advice or ignore it. When we suggest you might want to avoid the pothole on the next street, or other cautionary tales, it is up to you whether to do that or not. It is your life. We simply want to share it more thoughtfully.

Lets get down, dude!

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